This entry is difficult to type as we knew these days would come. Ryan has been very tired the past 2 days. He has only been able to blink his eyes open to us a few times and then quickly drifts back to sleep. He is using all of his strength to breathe and keep his body going now. There are no words for how we are doing or what we are feeling. We are simply doing our best to be here for our little boy and to let him know that we are by his side. Last night, he slept in bed with us, for his comfort and our own.
It is impossible for us to know what the next few days hold. All we really know is what is happening now. We haven't seen Ryan awake since Friday night. We have called our family and they have come to give him one last kiss, tonight, the Eve of his 6 month "half birthday". We celebrated tonight, that we have been given this time. We sang Happy Birthday to him, in our room where he was in the Pack N Play. We even had German Chocolate cake, the kind I made and ate, the night before he was born. Many tears have been shed and Chris and I both are feeling the weight of these moments. I keep wondering to myself how we will make these small moments last our lifetime? Pictures just don't seem to be enough.
Ryan will be in our bed with us again tonight, snuggled up tight just where he belongs. We pray for his peace and comfort above all else. We pray for God to hold him close and guide us all through this difficult time.