Sunday, July 26, 2009

Ryan's 1/2 Birthday 7/27/09

This entry is difficult to type as we knew these days would come. Ryan has been very tired the past 2 days. He has only been able to blink his eyes open to us a few times and then quickly drifts back to sleep. He is using all of his strength to breathe and keep his body going now. There are no words for how we are doing or what we are feeling. We are simply doing our best to be here for our little boy and to let him know that we are by his side. Last night, he slept in bed with us, for his comfort and our own.

It is impossible for us to know what the next few days hold. All we really know is what is happening now. We haven't seen Ryan awake since Friday night. We have called our family and they have come to give him one last kiss, tonight, the Eve of his 6 month "half birthday". We celebrated tonight, that we have been given this time. We sang Happy Birthday to him, in our room where he was in the Pack N Play. We even had German Chocolate cake, the kind I made and ate, the night before he was born. Many tears have been shed and Chris and I both are feeling the weight of these moments. I keep wondering to myself how we will make these small moments last our lifetime? Pictures just don't seem to be enough.

Ryan will be in our bed with us again tonight, snuggled up tight just where he belongs. We pray for his peace and comfort above all else. We pray for God to hold him close and guide us all through this difficult time.

The Hawns


Stacie said...

You all are in my heart, my prayers, my thoughts. My heartaches for you, for the pain I know you must be feeling. I pray for God to bring you comfort, strength, and peace during this very difficult time. Please know that you are surrounded by his love and the love of so many friends and family members.

Love to you all
Stacie Hanson

Anonymous said...

God bless baby Ryan. I wish you peace and strength.

Kathy O.

Anonymous said...

Isaiah 43

1But now thus says the LORD,(A) he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
(B) "Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
(C) I have called you by name, you are mine.
2(D) When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
(E) when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
3For(F) I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

The Baker said...

Happy 1/2 Birthday, Ryan!

Wishing all of you continued strength and many opportunities to meet Ryan's eyes and feel the connection. May the joyous memories you have made be the ones you remember forever! We continue to pray for you guys.

Rita said...

I wanted you to know I'm still here if you ever need me... I don't have any words, just hoping for some peace for your family. I wish it didn't have to be this way.

Michelle Garten said...

You are an amazing family and have been given a true angel put here on earth for you to love! I have been reading your posts and praying for your entire family. I myself have lived a version of your life the last 2years. Andrew our son was born very ill, he is deaf/blind and has a weakened heart from cardiomyopathy. He is now 2(as of yesterday, our birthday party was similar to your 6month birthday) We have no diagnosis and pray for one every day, but reading your story and you all having a diagnosis.....does it help??? I ask myself everyday why these things happen to our sweet little children? So all the way from CT I am sending hugs, prayers and strength to your entire family and may god be with all of you.

Baby Baillargeon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Alison Baillargeon said...

Always know that we are all praying for you and loving you and your little angel. I pray that you see his eyes again soon and that cute little smile. I pray that you find peace and continued strength. I am so thankful to have seen Ryan last week and to know such wonderful people that love each other and their friends and family so much. My life is better having known you and your wonderful little man. I hope you continue to find comfort in God and all the friends and family that send you love daily. Know that there are so many of us that will drop everything to be with you if you just say the word. We love you.

Anonymous said...

Happy 1/2 birthday to Ryan! :) I pray for your family many times a day. You are always on my heart and I hope that you can feel God's comforting embrace.


Joni Sampel said...

Happy 1/2 birthday sweet boy. My heartaches for you all, and you are in my thoughts and prayers daily. I know pictures don't seem like much right now, but take as many as you can. They'll be priceless I promise.

Anonymous said...

Jenn & Chris,
A few Sundays ago, we had a soloist sing this song by Steven Curtis Chapman and I cried all the way through it thinking of you. You may know it already. It's called "Carry You to Jesus". (It's based on Gal. 6:2; Luke 5:18-20):

I will not pretend to feel the pain you're going through
I know I cannot comprehend the hurt you've known
And I used to think it mattered if I understood
But now I just don't know

Well, I'll admit sometimes I still wish I knew what to say
And I keep looking for a way to fix it all
But we know we're at the mercy of God's higher ways
And our ways are so small

But I will carry you to Jesus
He is everything you need
I will carry you to Jesus on my knees

It's such a privilege for me to give this gift to you
All I'd ever hope you'd give me in return
Is to know that you'll be there to do the same for me
When the tables turn

And if you need to cry go on and I, I will cry along with you, yeah
I've given you what I have but still I know the best thing I can do
Is just pray for you

I'll carry you
I'll take you to Jesus on my knees

Love, Nancy

Anonymous said...

You are surrounded by so much love & support and the special angels are watching over all of you. Just keep snuggling Ryan - you will remember - I promise! Thinking of you all the time:)

Jennifer Olliges

Laura Davidson said...

Jenny, Chris, Charlotte, and baby Ryan

We love you all so very much. Words cannot describe what I am feeling, and I wish that Matt and I could be there to kiss him goodnight. We are so far away...but are there close in spirit. If I were there right now, I would want to hold Ryan, and sing him one of my favorite songs. I'm sure you know of it, so since I can't be there Ryan, here is my favorite song I would sing for you:

Hush now baby don't you cry
Rest your wings my butterfly
Peace will come to you in time
And I will sing this lullaby

Know though I must leave, my child
That I would stay here by your side
And if you wake before I'm gone
Remember this sweet lullaby

And all love through darkness
Don't you ever stop believing
With love forlorn
With love you'll find your way
My love

The world has turned the day to dark
I leave this night with heavy heart
When I return to dry your eyes
I will sing this lullaby

Yes I will sing this lullaby

We love you baby Ryan.

Love, Aunt Laura and Uncle Matt

amyfish said...

God Bless you and your family. We are continuing to pray for you.
Amy and family

Maxine said...

We are thinking of your sweet family. Our tears fall silently & our hearts made to feel sad,we are only human. But God hears our cry & shares our saddness. May His infinite love & compassion give you all peace to carry you through this difficult time.

Maxine & Tom P.

Kara @ His, Hers & Ours said...

I pray that God brings peace to Ryan and your family. Ryan has been such a fighter, and I see that he get's that from his parents.

God Bless you in the days to come, and please know that there are people all over praying for Ryan.

Happy 6 month birthday sweet baby!!

Our Crew said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Our Crew said...

You guys,
We are praying for Ryan to have comfort and peace. We pray the same for you all. Our hearts go out to you. You are a precious family! And Ryan is a precious boy!

Love you all,
The Rages'

Anonymous said...

Your family is in our prayers. May your strength continue as you go through this difficult time. God bless Ryan.
The Stonner Family

Stefany said...

God bless you and Ryan. I pray God will give you strength and peace for Ryan. My heart hurts for you.

kelly S said...

I pray for your family every night. I love you guys and I am always thinking of you.

Rachel said...

I found your blog recently. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.


Ashley Hunn said...

My neighbor, Tricia Seibert, told me about your son Ryan, and I just read your blog for the first time ... my thoughts and prayers are with your family.

And He will raise you up on eagle's wings,
Bear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of His Hand.

God Bless,
Ashley Hunn

dickinsonfamily said...

We are lifting you up in prayer tonight.
With lots of love,
-Sarah & Mike

Emily Craver said...

If I could take a fraction of the pain that you must be feeling I would in a moment's notice. Just know that you are surrounded by an immense amount of love and support from family, friends, and strangers you may never know. But more importantly you are surrounded by His love. Enjoy every moment you have with your beautiful boy, these will be moments you will cherish for years to come.

Love and prayers,
Emily Craver