Thursday, July 23, 2009


It is amazing what a little reprieve can do for the spirit. Today, Ryan spent very little time in his moaning/groaning state and was awake and happy a lot. He slept well last night and had a short (30 min) period this morning when he was unhappy, but the rest of the day was so much better! His nap was peaceful and he rested well, and our evening was the first in a long time that I can say was totally enjoyable. There were few moments when we couldn't console Ryan and little time was spent by his side as he "cried". He was happy and interactive with us, he had times when his heart rate dropped some, but he seemed to "snap out of it" much better tonight. We have made some minor changes, increased his dose of Morphine slightly, and given it every 4 hours without fail. If this is what he needs to feel well, then that is what we will do. So far, I am hopeful that maybe he just needed a little more help to take the edge off.

I feel so much better tonight compared to last night. Ryan's good day has re energized me and seeing his eyes open and his playful spirit so much today has really helped me feel better. I have missed Ryan the past few weeks, even though he was right here with us. I hated feeling that way. Today, he was here, wanting to play and be with the family. He even got dressed up for our company tonight, our neighbors, the Somheil's (thank you for dinner and Happy Birthday Eric). I needed this day. I loved our hugs and kisses goodnight, his smiles, the way he grasped my finger and pulled it close to him, the grin he gave Chris when he got home from work, how handsome he looked in his collared shirt outfit, the peaceful way he slept in his crib, the smell of him just after his bath, snuggling with him as much as I can and then seeing the smile creep across his face as our eyes locked together. I love our son.

Thankful for THIS good day.
The Hawns


Mindy said...

Reading this makes me smile for you. Here's to more good days, because you definitely deserve more good days. Prayers for a good weekend.

Anonymous said...

Made me smile too! So glad you and Ryan had such a good day!

Stefany said...

This made me smile and cry. I hope Ryan has more (many more) good days with you. I know you cherish them.

Nancy Keller said...

I'm so happy to hear that you had a good day! Maybe this was one of the small miracle that you've been praying for.

John & Kelly said...

I can't believe that no one told you how handsome Ryan looks all dressed up yet!

Anonymous said...

It makes my heart happy to hear that you had a good day. Praying there are many more. I wish I had the words to offer you comfort, but I know God does. May you feel His presence with you today. With love and tears from one mom to another, God bless.

Laura said...

I am so sorry for your loss-what a sweet little Angel. My thoughts and prayers are with you!!

Republic, Missouri