I have officially returned back to work this week. It came with it's bumps and bruises, tears, hugs, and expected difficulties. Surprisingly none of which were related to Epic (new computer program at work). I think that maybe I am way too distracted by everything else that has changed my life to even notice the changes at work.
I am feeling good about helping others instead of being the one on the receiving end these days. I know my life has a purpose in serving these women that I can relate so closely to. I hope that I serve God in helping them. I was asked many times about my "kids" whether or not I have any, or they see Ryan's picture as my badge flips around and say, "OH! is that your son? How cute he is, oh, everyone must say he looks like you..." As I kindly smile back at them, I think to myself, yes, he is beautiful, yes he was so wonderful... if you only knew.
My first patient back on the job asked about him, and I bravely told her that he was my angel. I think she was in tears for the remainder of her appointment, so I decided that maybe I shouldn't share my entire story with hormonal pregnant women, especially those who are already worried about their own pregnancy's. However, it is hard not to talk about him. I yearn to talk about him, to show his picture, just as if he were here, alive... healthy... 8 months old now, tasting all the fruits and vegetable baby foods. That is what we are supposed to be doing, not deciding what box in our closet or basement to put his things in... it really hurts to know that his life can be packed away, but I refuse to pretend that he wasn't here. That he didn't exist. He did and I love him, more today than the day he was born.
On a lighter note, I've also been getting back into the business, Thirty-One, that I started back in April, just a few weeks before Ryan got sick. I have been doing a few home parties and have really been enjoying it. This is something just for me and the time away with my friends, family, or friends of friends has given me something to focus on and feel good about. I think this has helped take my mind off of things that seem way to complicated to think about, however, my thoughts still seem to run wild at night. Last night, I'm not sure I slept at all... Anyway, if you think it would be fun to host a party and possibly get some Christmas shopping done early, I would love to come do a little presentation in your home. Visit www.mythirtyone.com/jennhawn to view the products from the three catalogs, Thirty-One Fall/Winter (adult), Direction (teen/tween) and 31Kids. Email me and we can work out a date! firstname.lastname@example.org. If you have already hosted a party, feel free to give a testimonial in the comments and let everyone else know how much fun we had!
You can also see the links on the blog in the right hand column.
I have many posts I have began but haven't had the opportunity during this busy week to post. Stay tuned for pictures of Charlotte's Birthday at Zachary's playground and some other funny pictures of her this week. This was also Charlotte's last day at her "day care" Good Shepherd School for Children. Next week, she begins in the school district and will be starting Early Childhood and riding the bus and everything! We'll see how our family adapts yet again. Something tells me Charlotte will do better than her parents...
Have a good weekend!